Guilt, Grace, Gratitude. Growing up in the Reformed denomination, I have heard this succession of ideas for many, many years. I agreed with the concept of it all. After all, it’s a pretty logical, natural progression. The book of Romans pretty much follows the same outline. We do stupid things, we have a God who loves us anyway, and because of that love, we want to show our appreciation to that God. That makes sense. I like that idea.
However, even if I AGREED with the idea and I LIKED the idea and it made SENSE, I don’t think I completely understood the WHOLE equation because I hadn’t fully EXPERIENCED the whole equation (and I probably still don’t understand it completely, but whatever).
I DEFINITELY DEFINITELY DEFINITELY DEFINITELY understood the “guilt” part. Oh buddy, do I ever understand my guilt. One does not have to convince me of the fact that I am messed up, screwed up, and overall a straight up sinful person. My life is so full of huge, dumb, life-altering mistakes that I still get nervous wondering if I am cursed to a lifetime of moronitude. So, yes. Check the box. Josh is a SINNER.
You know when you studied Native American culture in history class and you learned about the ladies grinding up corn with a big rock? Okay, think back to that and picture them crushing and grinding and pulverizing that corn between two rocks. Okay, that is how I feel that God has been driving His grace into my heart. Just crushing and grinding that grace right into my heart. It hasn’t been an easy or particularly pretty process. There has definitely been some pulverizing. But in the end, you end up with some awesome cornmeal that you can make delicious cornbread muffins out of and it’s all worth it. I love cornbread.
This brings us to gratitude. I truly believe this is not a naturally occurring part of the process. Guilt is pretty easy. Grace is a pretty crazy concept, but it’s relatively easy to swallow. Who wouldn’t want to believe that they are loved no matter how badly they mess up or how big of a failure they are? But GRATITUDE? Yeesh. You mean I am supposed to stop doing the things that I like to do? I thought you said that this gift of grace is FREE OF CHARGE!
Well here’s the crazy part. It ISSSS free of charge. You didn’t earn it. You can’t earn it. Don’t even try to think that you’ve earned it or can earn it because you’re going to fail. Badly. Often. Miserably.
However, I am beginning to find that when I realize how utterly incapable of earning that gift I am, I begin to DESIRE to be obedient. I want to change who I am and what I do. After all, didn’t Jesus do that for me in an even BIGGER way when he came to Earth in the form of man, leaving behind his pretty awesome living situation with God the Father? Yeah, maybe I can give a little bit of myself out of appreciation. In 2 Corinthians 5:14-15, we read that the love of Christ “constrains” us to live for Him. Once I realize how Jesus changed himself for me and gave himself for me, I’m not so afraid of giving up my freedom, and therefore finding my freedom in Him (thanks to Tim Keller for putting that into better words than I could have).
It’s not a switch that gets flipped and now I behave and never want to do stupid things. However, it is a pretty RADICAL change, at least that’s what I feel it has been in my own life. Awesome. Thank you Jesus. Thank you for rescuing me from my own stupidity. Thank you for redeeming me of my depression. Thank you for giving me a gift so good that I willingly constrain myself to life of obedience and am therefore made free.
No comments:
Post a Comment